When I hear about other providers having boyfriends or even husbands, I am honestly in awe. I don't understand how they do it.
I already feel stretched thin at times, just trying to maintain a personal sex life, alongside being a provider. Not so much from physical exertion, though that does play a part, but moreso a mental and emotional one. I just don't have the energy for a full-time boyfriend, I just don't. The thought of having to spend that much time on/with another human being, alongside trying to deal with my clients AND also somehow take care of myself, seems pretty much impossible to me.
Maybe these ladies have partners who are happy with a part-time partner; I don't know.
Be that as it is may, I still have needs, as we all do, which is why I continue to pursue my relationships with my lovers, as well as seek out new ones, from time-to-time; which brings me to my central point.
*SIGH* Such a conundrum for me right now. On the one hand, I do have a desire to date, go out and meet new people. On the other, it fills me with an existential dread. Any new guy I meet, I have to lie to, right off the bat. I am not a liar, by habit. In fact, I place a very large amount of value on complete openness and honesty. It is something that is very important to me. I expect it of others, and I always try my hardest to give the same in return. I think that is why this is bothering me so much. I actually hadn't been on a real date in about a year, and had one recently. I now have a second date coming up with someone new, and I think this is starting to become an issue for me.
I'm not ashamed of the work I do (rather, the opposite), and I honestly could not care less if people knew this about me, right off the bat. The only reason(s) I don't tell everyone is due to the legal issues surrounding it. I have to watch out for myself, first and foremost, and the knowledge that I do sex work, in the wrong hands, could be very damaging to me. Aside from that, I've also just had bad experiences with telling non-hobby guys in the past, about this part of my life. As such, I obviously don't tell everyone, but then that brings me right back to square 1. I meet someone new, and already I am lying to them, about what I do for work. I hate having to resort to such methods of deception, I really do.
But, if I want to lead any semblance of a "normal" dating life, it is something I will have to come to terms with. I realized recently that the other reason I am likely feeling this so strongly right now, is because this is actually the first time in my life that I have been truly single, providing, and trying to go out on dates. I realized also, this is likely why I haven't really been pursuing things in this arena as of late.
It is also why I am so thankful to have my hobby lovers. The guys who know about what I do, and who hobby also. It really takes a lot of stress out of it for me, and means I can fully enjoy the time I have with them, to the fullest extent. I am coming to see, just how truly valuable, that is. At least that's something.:-)
However, as for any others I may meet.....I don't know. I guess all I can do is try to see how I feel about this, moving forwards, It's funny, because this is never the moral quandry I thought I'd face with doing this type of work....but there you have it.